Diary of a Midwest Fangirl
Basketball. Beyoncé. The Black-Ginger Alliance. LWYMMD (TV). Pedro at Cannes. A new fashion kink unlocked? Plus, much more random nonsense.
Hi hi.
I hope you’ve had a lovely long weekend.
It’s all sports all the time over here in Indy.
The 109th running of the Greatest Spectacle in Racing—aka the Indy 500—was yesterday. I was rooting for my friend Heather’s husband and Indy’s own, Ed Carpenter. If not Ed, I was interested to see if Josef Newgarden could make it happen from the very back of the field. Sadly, neither happened. But at least it was on TV here1.
I’ve said this before, but if you grew up in this town, you just know shit about Indy car racing whether you want to or not. Remember when Blondie rattled off a gazillion cat breeds in a minute on Fallon? That’s me (and any number of my peers) with driver names, especially from our childhoods.
Guess who had nary a question about who Arie Luyendyk Jr was and how to say his name when he showed up in the Bachelor/Bachelorette universe back in 2012? People from Indianapolis who grew up knowing about his dad.
Um, this is Arie Sr. So yeah, we remembered.
Sidebar: My friend Beth has a nice lil primer about Janet Guthrie, the first woman to qualify for the 500, over on her Substack.
On Saturday, I avoided the 500 parade2 in my neighborhood by grabbing brunch with my bestie before the Fever game. We lost a close one (after a comeback and some shitty ass calls not in our favor!) which I never love. Ugh, and now CC’s out for a couple weeks with a quad sprain. But our squad is so much deeper and more talented than we were last season, so NEXT WOMAN UP!
We are never fair-weather fans in this household.
I also met the great Ernie Johnson downstairs in the Hardwood Club. We passed each other and I said, “You’re the best, love you. So glad you got to make it to a Fever game while you’re in town.” He said, “Me too. I just got off the plane an hour ago. What’s your name?” I told him and said, “Enjoy the game, it’s a blast in here”. Ernie said he already was with a “nice to meet you” and then we went about our business.
Anyway, a delightful little encounter. I love when Ernie fully breaks and loses it laughing. Thusly, a clip montage someone made of such moments.
A few hours after the race ended, the Pacers tipped off against the Knicks for game 3 of the Eastern Conference Finals. We were playing really well…until we weren’t and our offense got thrown completely out of sync by the gd Knickerbockers' defensive schemes.
We’ll be back Tuesday night—and I’ll be in the building.
I fucking love the return of this rivalry—one that is very formative to me. And it’s SO REAL for the players and both long-term fanbases. We feel it in our bones.
If you want to understand the lore better, watch the very excellent 30 for 30 about the ‘90s battles called Winning Time: Reggie Miller vs. the New York Knicks.
The only time I ever got in proper trouble with the, um, law back in my teen years happened after a magical Reggie performance. It wasn’t even a big party and we weren’t getting teen wasted. I think my friend’s poor neighbors had had about enough of our shenanigans over the years.
Anyway, I found all my old assignment calendars from high school (which doubled as lil journals of what plans I had on any given night/weekend). If I’ve triangulated everything properly I believe it was Game 5 of the 1994 Eastern Conference Finals when #313 went off for 25 points…in the fourth quarter.
It was the iconic choke sign aimed at Spike Lee night.
Of COURSE we hooted and hollered and probably banged a few pans outside.
Hicks v. Knicks will always be famous and this series is no different. It’s a battle every game. That’s why I don’t like anybody to get ahead of themselves, either privately or publicly, about where this series is going—even though it’s obvs awesome we won those first two games.
Just SHHHHHHHHHHHHH or at the v. least keep that talk far away from me.
Also, we know I don’t gatekeep. The Pacers bandwagon is open for biz and we’re quite the fun team to watch.
I’ve sure seen a HELLA large number of Knicks fans come out of the woodwork after being quite silent for years (or perhaps their whole lives until about a week ago)4, including when we played each other in last season’s playoffs. It’s all good, unless you try to shit talk like somebody who’s been here the whole time and carries the depths of this rivalry with them and then get discovered trying to pass off some fraudulent BS.
If you come for me, you best not miss. I’m a Scorpio got decades of disrespect from New Yorkers and the rest of the NBA about our smaller market team and city. Hell yeah we’re fucking chippy about it—now, then, always.
That’s why we took back the word Hicks.
If you jump into my DMs, know I’m not holding back—all in good sports hate fun. My state and my city are far from perfect, but it’s very “I can talk shit about my family as needed, but don’t you fucking dare!!!!!”
Some might say I’m in my ruthless era when it comes to this, so if I sense weakness, I’m pouncing. I lived in NYC for almost 20 years and worn Pacers gear into the Garden many times, so enter at your own risk. Let’s just say, I’ve got time.
If you start shit, I’ll tell you how it ends 🙃.
Giddyup!!!!!
Speaking of New York, the 👑🐝 is there with her Cowboy Carter tour and I’ve loved seeing everyone’s looks. I had the great pleasure/honor of going in Chicago last Saturday night with dear friends.
How cute are these bag charms Carolyn put in our gift bags? Because of course my crew comes bearing swag.
VIBES = IMMACULATE ✨
We looked amazing, if I do say so myself. I was very much going for “she loves Beyoncé AND Stillwater” and I really think I got there.
My dad has been trying to get me to do something with my Grandma Wilma’s squash blossom necklace for years. At last, it found a look to call home.
Glam prep for me included a Cécred Reconstructing Treatment Mask and another brilliant manicure by my beloved nail tech/friend Jamia at City Nail Bar.
The nails also looked fabulous (if blurry) flicking off the Trump building we could see from outside our hotel.
Sidebar: We have obviously switched the digits over to Pacers fangirl mode now.
As for the show, no notes. It’s incredible. Obviously. Please get there if you can. I’m going again in Atlanta in July (on the floor!) and cannot wait.
For those who like my lil clips, behold a bunch from Cowboy Carter Chicago N2. If that’s not your bag, just scroll on down to the next section.
I cried many times during the show (complimentary), but never harder than during “Protector” which absolutely tracks. It’s an emotional one for the Dead Moms Club. Plus, Blue + Rumi are on stage
I can’t even with Blue Ivy and how incredible she’s doing on stage. I mean, she is Bey and Jay’s daughter, but that child is only 13!!!!!!!
The “Deja Vu” storytelling. I die.
“Bodyguard” is even sexier live.
The mic was on allllll night. Bless.
The muscle memory really kicks in when she sings “Single Ladies” as part of a medley of older stuff (AMAZING!)
The definition of musical Prozac.
To the left, to the left.
I swear I’d be a better man.
Club Ren is still open. She flew over to the second stage on a horseshoe, natch. Now, put some drink in her cup, she’s in the mood to fuck something up.
SHE DROVE BY US AND WAS SO CLOSE YOU COULD FEEL THE AIR CHANGE.
And that leads us nicely to our next topic…
A New Community Is Born
If you’re not on TikTok, you may not be aware that redheads are Black now. That’s right, Black TikTok has decreed it so and drafted the gingas (no more hard Rs!!!)
It’s been hilarious, but also unexpectedly moving.
Am I—and auburn redhead named Abigail—taking this invitation from my new cousins? You bet. But I recognize my privilege and that I did not suffer the traumas of those who were called soulless fire crotch, asked if the carpet matched the drapes, and other myriad indignities.
Where this current movement began on TikTok
I couldn’t stop downloading Toks, sorry. But not. Because it’s all so good5.
Red Velvet!!
Celebrations erupted across the clock app. Bonds formed. Commonalities discovered.
Questions were asked and answered.
Advice was shared.
Um, I did have a Black Cabbage Patch Kid (preemie).
I also do not want to make any food for the cookout, nor will anyone ever want me to. I am great at bringing all the paper goods or drinks or whatever. Plus, I know how to play Spades and dominoes already, which is one of the ground rules in the Tok below.
We love a lesson (for anyone!) about what to do when somebody tries to touch your hair, right down to the face.
L O L 🧜♀️
The vibes are still great.
For once, a group of white people didn’t fuck it up. Great work, everyone. I’m so proud.
It’s fun and funny, sure. But it’s so much more, and that’s why it is always important to not dismiss something as unserious. **SHE SCREAMS FOR THE MILLIONTH TIME IN HER LIFE**
Okay, I’ll finally stop adding videos and leave you with this story that really is a Venn diagram of my interests. I cried more than once 🥹.
TikTok found Blake’s mom!
And they talked!
The timing 🥹—for a mother who lost a child and a daughter who lost a mother? I cannot (in the best, teariest way). This all happened because of a TikTok trend that some would deem silly and pointless. Some would be deadass wrong.
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Pedro Does Cannes
As I have said multiple times on this site, I don’t really get horned up for Pedro Pascal. I have eyes so I recognize his beauty. He is a talent and a delight who I very much adore. I totally get why he does it for so many, it’s just not what gets me going personally.
Now, this particular look did lead me to have a bit of something-something.
I know myself well enough at this point that I can tell when I am about to go over the edge and start a true new obsession. This isn’t that, but we need to celebrate its beauty. Plus, I knew it would make many of you happy—whether you’re seeing it for the first time, or the four hundredth.
I love me a giant armhole like this, with that build. We know how I feel about a man who can WEAR a pair of pants and oh Pedro sure is. I especially love it if I already own or covet something similar for myself. Also, those glasses.
I guess one of my kinks is a man in an outfit I want to do things to him in, but also clocking as fashion inspo for myself? That feels right.
If Harry was wearing that Pedro ‘fit, you would have had to contact Emergency Services. Full stop.
I guess one of my kinks is a man in an outfit I want to do things to him in, but also clocking as fashion inspo for myself? That feels right.
A small sampling of this sub-genre from the Fruit Witch.
I mean, these are still my pajama bottoms.
Look at this muffin running around Rome. I would 100000p wear this. And probably also did in 1993.
Some more recent examples from Cannes. I give thanks to Harry Lambert every day for many reasons, but if you’re not doing so for his tireless work in the field of “get men into slutty lil shorts” get on that.
Why yes, I did get reposted by an update account. Big time over here lol.
Skarsgard is such a wonderful hot weirdo.
Obsessed with every last thing happening here on Josh, again.
Keep up the great work, gentlemen.
-H
Speaking of that lil fruit witch, you may have seen this story because it busted out of the fandom and into the mainstream news cycle a few days after we saw it6.
Warning: EPB, or Extreme Pookie Behavior 🥹
I guess a couple months ago, Harry met a couple out and about in Rome. He took a selfie with them but also snapped a shot on his own digital camera and said he’d send it…which he finally did.
Here’s a bit more of a recap:
Multitudes, he contains them.
Now please give us HS4, the world needs it and YOU. I cannot abide another second of tepid Benson Boone discourse.
Funny Like I’m a 🤡? Like I Amuse You?
…I make you laugh, I'm here to fuckin' amuse you? What do you mean funny, funny how? How am I funny?
We heard the first snippet from Reputation (Taylor’s Version) by way of a new episode of The Handmaid’s Tale7 that featured “Look What You Made Me Do (TV)”. Hence all those clown cars you hear warming up.
Here’s the clip with LWYMMD (TV):
“I’ve been wanting to use a Taylor song for many years on the show and we finally found the perfect spot for a track from her, and I’m so glad we waited because there could not be a more perfect song for a more perfect moment. Taylor has been such an inspiration to me personally. As a Swiftie myself, and I think I can speak for [co-star] Yvonne [Strahovski] and our entire cast as well, who are all Swifties, it’s such an honor to be able to use her music in the final episodes of our show.”
Some people have been doing WAY TOO MUCH, per usual, because they cannot understand the principle of parsimony slash the concept of Occam’s Razor. Now, if you’re taking the piss (like Dan here) while also sorta clowning, that I can handle. that’s what I do myself.
The math is just never going to be that convoluted and deep, y’all, and no that wasn’t Taylor in the Handmaid’s scene.
From the same interview with Moss:
But you do you, friends. I’ve essentially removed myself from that narrative as it’s currently making me stabby in ways I don’t need to be stabby. See how easy that is to do when you aren’t having fun somewhere, online or off.
The AMAs are tonight and I really don’t think she’s going to announced Rep (TV) for any number of reasons. There were some AMA-related Easter eggs on her website that I do think were very real, but to my mind were mainly meant to engage fans and get them to vote, as that’s how winners are determined. We don’t even know for sure if she’s attending and she’s already done the awards show announcement a couple times.
Personally, I hope she’s just gonna drop it out of nowhere with “There will be no further explanation. There will just be reputation” vibes.
As always with Blondie, though, you never can fully know. I will be happy whenever we get it because DUH—and, frankly, so my beloved fandom will STFU about it. I’m guessing Taylor is ready for everyone to move on, too. With love, both mine and hers.
Where Everybody Knows Your Name
RIP to the great George Wendt aka Norm from Cheers, fan of Da Bears, uncle of Jason Sudeikis and more. Cheers is obviously one of the greatest comedies of all time and I’m gonna need the kids to keep up on that so it is never lost to time.
Norm was the greatest. I hadn’t watched this finale clip in a while and got all choked up. The message is so real and ties back to everything that matters about community.
A Different Chicago Bear
As we know, I really like The Bear. I think it’s excellent. Not a comedy, but great. I do not, however, love it on the level that many on the internet do—and I’m sure many of you. Even if I didn’t like the show, I wouldn’t withhold a new S4 trailer from you.
Internet Nostalgia: That Sorority Freakout Email
Why did I think of this the other day? I don’t know, but I’m glad I did.
Long before ‘Bama RushTok, there was the DG crash out (before we said crash out) heard ‘round the internet. It was first published simultaneously by Deadspin and Gawker, original sauce.
This is how Drew Magary introduced it for Deadspin:
I always like to picture sororities as places where college girls stage elaborately decorated mixers and then spend the rest of the week gouging out each other's eyes. And thankfully, the remarkable email you're about to read proves all of my theories correct. From reader Erik: "This is from the University of Maryland. Apparently, this is from the chair of a 'lower tier, very awkward sorority' that's been matched up with a 'pretty good frat' for Greek Week."
If you just opened this like I told you to, tie yourself down to whatever chair you're sitting in, because this email is going to be a rough fucking ride.
And here you go, it’s a ride, as she says herself. (Please note she does use some slurs and problematic language.)
If you just opened this like I told you to, tie yourself down to whatever chair you're sitting in, because this email is going to be a rough fucking ride.
For those of you that have your heads stuck under rocks, which apparently is the majority of this chapter, we have been FUCKING UP in terms of night time events and general social interactions with Sigma Nu. I've been getting texts on texts about people LITERALLY being so fucking AWKWARD and so fucking BORING. If you're reading this right now and saying to yourself "But oh em gee Julia, I've been having so much fun with my sisters this week!", then punch yourself in the face right now so that I don't have to fucking find you on campus to do it myself.
I do not give a flying fuck, and Sigma Nu does not give a flying fuck, about how much you fucking love to talk to your sisters. You have 361 days out of the fucking year to talk to sisters, and this week is NOT, I fucking repeat NOT ONE OF THEM. This week is about fostering relationships in the greek community, and that's not fucking possible if you're going to stand around and talk to each other and not our matchup. Newsflash you stupid cocks: FRATS DON'T LIKE BORING SORORITIES. Oh wait, DOUBLE FUCKING NEWSFLASH: SIGMA NU IS NOT GOING TO WANT TO HANG OUT WITH US IF WE FUCKING SUCK, which by the way in case you're an idiot and need it spelled out for you, WE FUCKING SUCK SO FAR. This also applies to you little shits that have talked openly about post gaming at a different frat IN FRONT OF SIGMA NU BROTHERS. Are you people fucking retarded? That's not a rhetorical question, I LITERALLY want you to email me back telling me if you're mentally slow so I can make sure you don't go to anymore night time events. If Sigma Nu openly said "Yeah we're gonna invite Zeta over", would you be happy? WOULD YOU? No you wouldn't, so WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO IT TO THEM?? IN FRONT OF THEM?!! First of all, you SHOULDN'T be post gaming at other frats, I don't give a FUCK if your boyfriend is in it, if your brother is in it, or if your entire family is in that frat. YOU DON'T GO. YOU. DON'T. GO. And you ESPECIALLY do fucking NOT convince other girls to leave with you.
"But Julia!", you say in a whiny little bitch voice to your computer screen as you read this email, "I've been cheering on our teams at all the sports, doesn't that count for something?" NO YOU STUPID FUCKING ASS HATS, IT FUCKING DOESN'T. DO YOU WANNA KNOW FUCKING WHY?!! IT DOESN'T COUNT BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN FUCKING UP AT SOBER FUCKING EVENTS TOO. I've not only gotten texts about people being fucking WEIRD at sports (for example, being stupid shits and saying stuff like "durr what's kickball?" is not fucking funny), but I've gotten texts about people actually cheering for the opposing team. The opposing. Fucking. Team. ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID?!! I don't give a SHIT about sportsmanship, YOU CHEER FOR OUR GODDAMN TEAM AND NOT THE OTHER ONE, HAVE YOU NEVER BEEN TO A SPORTS GAME? ARE YOU FUCKING BLIND? Or are you just so fucking dense about what it means to make people like you that you think being a good little supporter of the greek community is going to make our matchup happy? Well it's time someone told you, NO ONE FUCKING LIKES THAT, ESPECIALLY OUR FUCKING MATCHUP. I will fucking cunt punt the next person I hear about doing something like that, and I don't give a fuck if you SOR me, I WILL FUCKING ASSAULT YOU.
"Ohhh Julia, I'm now crying because your email has made me oh so so sad". Well good. If this email applies to you in any way, meaning if you are a little asswipe that stands in the corners at night or if you're a weird shit that does weird shit during the day, this following message is for you:
DO NOT GO TO TONIGHT'S EVENT.
I'm not fucking kidding. Don't go. Seriously, if you have done ANYTHING I've mentioned in this email and have some rare disease where you're unable to NOT do these things, then you are HORRIBLE, I repeat, HORRIBLE PR FOR THIS CHAPTER. I would rather have 40 girls that are fun, talk to boys, and not fucking awkward than 80 that are fucking faggots. If you are one of the people that have told me "Oh nooo boo hoo I can't talk to boys I'm too sober", then I pity you because I don't know how you got this far in life, and with that in mind don't fucking show up unless you're going to stop being a goddamn cock block for our chapter. Seriously. I swear to fucking God if I see anyone being a goddamn boner at tonight's event, I will tell you to leave even if you're sober. I'm not even kidding. Try me.
And for those of you who are offended at this email, I would apologize but I really don't give a fuck. Go fuck yourself.
Oh, and…
I’m with SZA and cannot understand these people who hate on Megan Thee Stallion while continuing to cape for the man currently serving time in prison FOR SHOOTING HER … Chicken Alfredo Boomerang Music is such a hilarious name for an internet subgenre … Emma Roberts, we can’t be at a place in your career where you’re doing rom-coms with Matt Rife. Girl, get a new team. The log line is NOT helping: “Marriage Material follows the founder of a dating app, whose deadbeat husband’s alimony payments are bleeding her dry, so she must use it to find him a new wife before her company goes public.” … I love that sports schedule releases have become a fun creative space for social teams. The Buffalo Bills crushed it with the whole “use AI”—but it’s Allen Iverson …
Until next time, one of my closest friend’s closest friends has been in the middle of a fast-moving, devastating medical crisis. It’s just awful. I’m spreading the word about the GoFundMe for Liz, her husband, and her young daughter. If you’ve got anything to spare (and thanks to those who already gave!) please know it’s going to wonderful people during the most awful time. Thank you, you’re the best.
xA
It’s almost always blacked out in Indy. Yes, still. Ugh, so fucking dumb.
Because parades are dumb. I’ve never liked them, even as a child.
Yes, that’s right. In case you were unaware Reggie wore my beloved 31.
Real ones, you know I’m not talking to you!
I always download as many from my curation as I can because I know some of you (ugh) don’t Tok. But sometimes it’s not an option based on the creator’s settings, so then I can only embed.
My favorite/beloved updated account @HarryFlorals has disappeared from IG and it’s very dysregulating. Their account got pulled a few years ago and they came back, so I better see them posting H on a Lime bike soon. I don’t do well with this sort of change.
I rarely quit a show, but I had to say byeeeeee to this one a few seasons ago.
Thanks for taking me back to my childhood when I'd comb through the Indy Star reading about Mario Andretti, Al Unser (and Al Unser Jr!) and AJ Foyt.
And thanks for sharing my story on driver Janet Guthrie - who I NEVER heard about as a kid.
Thank you for your service in sharing that trailer!!! Also im glad the two gingers in my life had such a delightful week yesterday courtesy of tiktok and expanding families