My Heart Cried Out for You, California
Plus, some usual nonsense about The Traitors đ, Hoda đ, beautyđ, The WB đ¸ + more.
Hi hi.
Okay, thereâs no other way to start than with what is currently happening in Los Angeles. But we will get to my normal bullshit in a few, in hopes that maybe, for a moment, anyone reading might get a reprieve from the heaviness of life right now.
To all the Angelenos who read We Have Notes, please know that the rest of this lil community is with you and there is no ask too big or too small you could make right now. Weâll at least give it a go.
There are no words, really. It fucking sucks and you just let yourselves feel all the feelings. Youâre not going to find any toxic positivity or annoying platitudes around here.
Thatâs one of the great lessons that griefâand that whole city is grieving right nowâhas taught me. Even some of the best intentioned statements1 are enough to send you into a new level of rage and frustration. We have to get comfortable sitting in discomfort, both with ourselves and with others.
Right now is not the time for things like:
It could have been worse
At least nobody was hurt
Well, youâve got insurance at least
I know how you feel
Of course everyone is on the side of lives being most important and yes, obviously one would rather have insurance than not. But if you just lost your home and all of your earthly belongings, those arenât things you need to hear from me or anyone else. Anxiety, fear, rage, sadness, guilt, whateverâitâs all valid to not only feel, but to express to others if youâd like.
I love LA. Iâve lived there twice and certainly havenât ruled out ever doing it again. Even when not living in Los Angeles, itâs a place I spend a fair amount of time and the city is filled with a whole lot of people I love dearly and deeply, many for multiple decades of my life. My sister lived there for a long time. My first two nephews were born there. I have beloved memories from every phase of my adult life that are rooted in LA.
I cannot even begin to imagine what the lives of Angelenos have felt like this week. If itâs this heavy and overwhelming for me from the safety of my couch, worrying about my people and wishing there was something I could do, I justâŚdonât even know.
It has certainly stirred up my memories of 9/11. Even as a friend said how weird it was to be feeling happy about a football game in the midst of it all. But in the depths of any sort of grief, we must try to cling to joy whenever and wherever possible. I thought of the Yankeesâ postseason in 2001 and what it did for the city. I cannot overstate how good it felt to collectively cheer and scream for something in that moment.
Sidebar: If you've never seen the doc Nine Innings from Ground Zero, I highly recommend it. I just got full body chills and started crying pulling this clip from YouTube.
The number of friends and friends of friends who have lost everything is almost too much to bear. The lists of names and GoFundMes are multiplying by the minute. I bet this is true for many of you, too.
I wish I could contribute to every single one with endless amounts of cash. But we all do what we can and that doesnât have to be monetary. Though if you have any to give, itâs going to be incredibly necessary and useful for a whole lot of folks. If youâre less connected to California and would like to specifically donate to people and families rebuilding, let me know and I will share some links with you.
As Iâm sure youâre well aware, there are a number of organizations that are doing important work on the ground that will put your dollars to good use. Be sure to check and see if your employer will match your donations.
I love the sentiment below. Every bit matters. A simple check-in text has the ability to make somebody smile or feel loved, even from afar and with not a singular dollar attached.
Now hereâs where I get, perhaps, a bit rant-y. As Iâm wont to do. Of course, I know most of you are lovely, caring people with critical thinking skills who donât necessarily need to hear this. But when has that ever stopped me from bloviating, here or IRL?
If you donât really know LA, I can understand why it might seem like itâs all rich people and celebrities. (And media clickbait doesnât help.) Iâd also hope anyone with some sense actually understands that itâs not. How could one of the biggest cities in America be only that? NONSENSE! As if there arenât all sorts of neighborhoods contained within various parts of town, filled with all sorts of people, some who work in entertainment and many who donât. As if TV shows and movies are only made by the bold-faced names who star in them. Come the fuck on.
Sidebar: Iâm with my friends the Fug Girls (both LA residents who are safe, but IN IT) on this one.
And how is it so hard to grasp the levels of devastating it must be to lose your home and everything youâve ever owned, no matter how much or little money you have? Your keepsakes and mementos. The rooms you made your memories in. Your dream house, whatever that looks like.
If youâve ever been in-between places, crashing at a friendâs or your parentsâ for an extended period with only your bags, you know how out of sorts (or depressed or on edge) you can start to feel. Youâve got no home base and you want your shitâeven when youâre certain youâll have a place again and fill it with your stuff thatâs currently being stored elsewhere. A lot of us know how that feels and itâs not great.
This is NOT that.
I guarantee every single person who has the means to stay in a hotel or a rental instead of a shelter is well aware that not everyone has that option and most are endlessly grateful that they can.
Do you think that means they arenât in pain? That it isnât impossible to try to explain whatâs happening to their children while trying not to freak them out even further and keep their own shit together? That they also donât love their homes and have beloved possessions with memories attached to each one? Also, not everyone who is âwell offâ has unlimited funds at their disposal to rebuild AN ENTIRE LIFE. And every one of us knows on some level what a nightmare insurance is even for something relatively small in scope.
Of course of COURSE we must help those most in need in any way we can, but the callousness and snide attitude of some people really boggles the mind.
The Palisades and Altadena are such wonderful communities filled with all kinds of people. And theyâve been wiped out. That affects everyone who lives there, those who work there and live elsewhere, and the whole entire city, really. Schools, restaurants, coffee shops, bookstores, churches, synagogues. All gone. Everyone across LA is feeling that weight and sadness. On top of the fear and anxiety and sleeplessness these fires have brought.
Itâs maddening to see so many corners of the internet absolutely void of empathy. Iâm not out here telling people they need to weep for the wealthy, but my god find your humanity. Or just shut the fuck up for once. Trumpâs America in action, I guess.
I know thatâs not what is happening on the ground in LA where kindness and community are holding strong. I donât think thatâs the usual image of Los Angeles to those on the outside either. People just donât get it. The same way they didnât about New York City in 2001. But LA will rebuild, too, and the rest of us who arenât assholes will be there to help.
My last thing: Be. Media. Literate. Please vet your sources. Misinformation is flying everywhere and we can all fall victim to it. This is not to say, donât be critical. Just do it factually. Donât automatically share without thinking about the source, the intention, etc. It matters and we all need to be mindful. Me included.
Okay, I lied. One more thing on this topic, but itâs positive. So many historical structures and architectural legends have been lost this week, itâs incredibly upsetting. But the Walsh house survived and thatâs not nothing.
Nowâs the time when we hard pivotâŚ
The Lovers, The Dreamers, and Me
Maybe this is a vaguely softer pivot???
Today we said goodbye to Hoda Kotb on the Today show and I was a fucking wreck. I love Hoda so much. Her vibes are immaculate and inspiring. Is she a tad corny? Sure is, and itâs so authentic and pure. As a person who currently and happily walks through life knowing sheâs not everyoneâs cup of tea and is likely viewed as ridiculous by more than a few, I obviously stan. I wish Iâd figured it all out sooner because Iâve certainly never felt more myself than I do in this era of my life.
Why wouldnât you want to have the kind of effect Hoda does on people, both on air and in her personal life? Sheâs the real fucking deal and so confident standing in her intelligence and her enthusiasm. Living life on her terms and redefining them as she goes along. The dream.
I am a Today lifer. We were an NBC News (and soap opera) family in my childhood and it stuck. Jane Pauley is a Halloween-born Scorpio media girlie from Indianapolis. Of course I did a project on her in elementary school. When I was going to an office every day, Today was always on while getting ready. I turn it on immediately upon waking every day still.
We get very attached to our AM crewsâor, at least a lot of us do. I love that Hoda is making this move, but Iâm going to miss the hell out of her brightening my mornings. Iâve been weepy at every segment and surprise theyâve done this week, so I knew today was going to be A Lotâ˘. Especially given all thatâs happening in the world.
I cried harder than I ever expected. Full ugly cries. It was all so lovely and like a bunch of consecutive, awesome hugs.
But when they brought out effing Kermie to do âThe Rainbow Connectionâ, I absolutely lost it. Donât even get me started how her oldest daughter Hailey kept getting choked up in her seat during Hoda & Jenna later.
I donât watch Hoda & Jenna as much, but I do enjoy it and definitely take in lots of clips on IG. Jenna Bush Hager2 is delightful and their chemistry is fab. (I have a lot of questions about what ScarJoâs vibe is going to be when she sits in with Jenna for a whole week soon.)
I loved that Gayle showed up. Just as she did for the British Fruit Witch to help unfurl his MSG banner on the final night of the residency. My friend and I heard her voice from our seats and went, âOMG IS THAT GAYLE KING?â And it was.
While I was not present for Hodaâs Gayle send-off, a good friend was in the audience, so I feel represented đ
Of course Kath came!
Ugh. I might have to watch all of this again because I obviously DVRâd it. Itâs gonna take a minute for it to become real that Hodie isnât just out on vacation. But she deserves all the happiness.
Castle Made of (Reality) Stars
The Traitors is back. Bless. America needs this show and its heaping dose of Alan Cumming gleefully chewing up the scenery right now.
The first three episodes dropped Thursday night and Iâm so happy to report that the premiere is an absolute blast. I canât wait to watch the rest this weekend.
No spoilers because I am sure many havenât seen it yet!
Weâll get into the happenings a bit more as we move through the season, but the aforementioned Fug Girls will be doing recaps over on
and I promise they never disappoint.What I will state once more for the record is that Boston Rob can GET IT, always and forever.
I say this with all due respect to his wife Amber (aka Am-buh), who is also fucking fantastic. One of my wishes was for them to be on Traitors together. It could have been a masterpiece.
I still donât know anything about what goes on over on Big Brother. That is pretty much a total blank spot for me and I donât even recognize the names of these people. But along with Rob Iâm especially looking forward to seeing how things play out for Dorinda (former RHONY) and Dolores (RHONJ), Chrishell (Selling Sunset), Bob Harper (yes, I totally used to watch every episode of The Biggest Loser), Sandoval (insomuch as I want him to flop so hard), and Tony aka Vin Dieselâs reality show doppelgängerâŚwell, maybe not for the Vin we saw at the Globes (Survivor). Oh and Britneyâs ex Sam Asghari is a big ew for me.
The Andy âDaddyâ Cohen painting in the castle? A big yes. Iâm so excited for this seasonâŚplease, please, please donât embarrass me, show.
Random Things That Made Me Happy This Week
Just âcause.
Felicity. Pacey.
Remember The Cutâs âI Think About This A Lotâ column, which was basically âRoman Empireâ discussions before we called them those? I pitched them an idea for that column based around that famous WB âOh What a Nightâ promo video. I had to look it up this week but it was indeed before I started We Have Notes. It was March 2018 and the first WHN went out September 2018. I also feel like I was just watching all those shows live on the WB about five minutes ago.
WHAT IS TIME?!?
If you havenât seen it in a while (and youâre of a certain age), enjoy. It will take you right back, like magic. The way Wattpad would have Wattpadded if it existed at the same time as this crossover fanfic prompt of a promo if ever I saw one.
This tiny baller
Two new beauty Substacks I think youâll love
These have technically made me happy for more than a week, but whatever. This week included. Both have become must-read immediately if at all possible upon first post.
Office of the Surface comes from my friend Jamie Rosen, a longtime beauty writer and editor who is so smart and funny. This is called true expertise! With voice! I trust her recommendations implicitly and am basically shopping every post. Iâm sorry that youâre about to spend more money, but it will be worth it.
Marisa Meltzer is a writer Iâve long loved. Sheâs written for everyone fab and she most recently wrote Glossy, the book about Glossier and Emily Weiss. I quote the book she and Kara Jesella did about Sassy in my class. (Itâs called How Sassy Changed My Life: A Love Letter to the Greatest Teen Magazine of All Time and I highly recommend it as well.)
Anyway, she just launched a Substack called Soft Power and itâs such a great read. I fully ordered the Chanel shade in the Sisterhood of the Traveling Lipstick. How could I not?!?
Oh, andâŚ
Peter Yarrow of Peter, Paul and Mary died this week at 86. It is likely unsurprising that I love PP&M. Fun fact: âPuff the Magic Dragonâ is basically a cry on command button for me. Like practically a party trick. My friends used to start singing it in middle school to show that it worked. They also loved to play a game where I memorized license plates. So, yeah, Iâve always been like this ⌠The final season of Harlem is back on January 23 ⌠I feel extremely seen by Kaceyâs love/hate list for Dream Baby Press ⌠What Gen Z got for Christmas ⌠Gabby Thomas and Angel Reese got Vogue covers and I love this for them. I also want the Loewe coat Angel is wearing in one of her inside shots ⌠Extreme self-care for young men branded as various kinds of âmaxxingâ tracks with where weâre at as a culture.
Until next time, take care of yourselves and each other. Hereâs Joni, Marcus Mumford, and the rest of the Joni Jam crew singing âCaliforniaâ at the Hollywood Bowl on perfect, magical LA night in October.
xA
Miss me forever and ever with âTheyâre in a better place nowâ, âEverything happens for a reasonâ, and the like.
JBH and I used to ride in with the same Soulcycle teacher a bunch back in the day. You know how you become âworkout friendsâ with those people? Anyway, sheâs always been a gem. (It was so fun when I was in class with her AND Chelsea Clinton. They are real friends, natch.)
Hoda is the nicest person I ever ever interviewed at NYFW. She was so warm and sweet to me. I just love her. - J
Perfectly heartbreaking and heartwarming top to bottom. Get you a substacker who can do both the deep and the shallow end (swimming ref intentional).