It's WAGatha Christie's World—and We're All Just Living In it
"Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes."
I almost wrote this entire newsletter about one story that came into our lives this week from across the pond and blessed us with its brilliance—but I figured that wasn't fair to anyone who isn't as completely obsessed as I. But, guys. The tale of WAGatha Christie is such a gift. For all of you who haven't been following along with this internet fav scandal among the soccer (football, whatever) wives of England, let me break down the deliciousness for you.
First, WAGs (wives and girlfriends of sports stars) are big tabloid fixtures over in the UK. The artist formerly known as Posh Spice—Victoria Beckham—is the OG, but has obviously catapulted into a completely different stratosphere of fame (read: uber A-list designer and attender of royal weddings) since the days that she was a Spice Girl in the stands and David was the most famous footballer around.
This particular scandale involves Coleen Rooney (wife of Wayne and also basically WAG royalty) and Rebekah Vardy (wife of Jamie), who is a more recent addition to the scene and of the nouveau reality star mold. Here's what went down.
Coleen (whose husband has def had some cheating stories, etc play out the rags) has a public Insta filled with family photos and branding opportunities. But, like any good celeb, she's got a Finsta, ostensibly for close friends and fam. However, she started noticing that stories were popping up in the Sun (one of the tabloids Prince Harry is currently suing) that had to have come from her private Instagram.
Because she is apparently a wicked genius, Coleen started a multi-month sting operation on her own dang Instagram. Basically, she used the old famous person trick of telling people false stories to see which ones ended up in the papers (Prince William allegedly use to do this in college) but she made it digital. She blocked every person in her feed from seeing her IG Stories, except the one person she suspected. (Her friends would have just thought she wasn't posting Stories.) And what do you know? The fake stories ended up in the Sun.
Look at the brilliance of this reveal.
IT'S...........REBEKAH VARDY'S ACCOUNT. This WAG isn't about getting sued either with her proper wording. God, I love her. She was henceforth named "WAGatha Christie" by the internet and, frankly, that's one of the best things I've ever heard.
Rebekah Vardy's response was....less stunning. She's so f*cking busted and I kind of wish she'd just own it. That would make her more interesting to me, for sure.
This is simply delightful. I wish I could What's App with Kate and Meghan and Posh about it immediately and can't wait for the 6-part Netflix series...can Phoebe Waller-Bridge write it, please?
I Am Woman...Hear Me Deeply Sigh 🤦♀️
On a way less fun note, I cannot even this week with the way the culture, the media, and the internet are continuing to hold female candidates and elected officials to ridiculously different standards than the men. I mean, I'm not surprised—but I'm still super pissed. We've got people out here complaining about the cost of AOC's hair appointment, which totaled about $300 and included lowlights and a cut, plus tip. Um, that's actually an amazing price in a lot of places if you ask...um, women. Of course, god forbid she wasn't perfectly groomed at all times because she'd get sh*t for that too. Then there's Kamala Harris who is being asked to, I guess, atone for sexual misconduct accusations AT HER HUSBAND'S FIRM. This is Kamala's problem how exactly? Men, we are not responsible for your actions EVER and she certainly shouldn't have to answer for situations that have nothing to do with her. What are we doing here, y'all?
Then, the big faux controversy this week was a bunch of (mostly) men trying to act like Elizabeth Warren was some kind of crazy liar for saying she was "shown the door" at a teaching job in the '70s because she was pregnant. My dudes, this still f*cking happens all the time, even though the Pregnancy Discrimination Act was passed in 1978. So if you think this wasn't rampant behavior before that—well, you should probably step away from the Twitter and the Reddit, read more books, and stop acting like women don't know what happens in our own damn lives.
You see, there was a real reason we needed to try to legislate this nonsense and that still hasn't fixed the situation. And this is, by no means, a partisan issue. Ask any woman and she will tell you myriad stories about herself or any number of her friends who have been terrified to reveal their pregnancies for fear of how it will affect their careers and people who were passed over for jobs and promotions simply because they have a uterus that may or may not someday GROW A HUMAN BEING. I did, however, love the way the Warren campaign handled the entire situation and that it created a dialogue of women sharing their own stories. E. Dubs is, after all, a woman with the energy of a mom who has five sons playing different sports—at least per SNL's most recent description.
Good lord, it's going to be a long year until next November.
Forgive Me Dick Wolf, For I Have Sinned
I'm not even sure if I should type these words, but I can't keep these thoughts inside any longer. Anyone who is friends with me IRL or has read this newsletter for any period of time knows that I love murder shows and crime procedurals. I watch them while I work and they lull me to sleep at night. And there is no greater one than Law & Order: SVU, which is now in its 21st season on NBC. I love it with every piece of my (black) heart and Olivia Benson (aka Mariska Hargitay) is a goddess among women. But there's something that I've noticed in the later seasons that has been making a bit nuts for the past few years: The Rise of Benson's Whisper Talking.
I know, I know. Who am I to criticize this woman? But I just had to finally put it out there and see if anyone else is with me. Basically, whenever Olivia is getting serious or emotional about a case or a therapy session (this woman has been through it), Hargitay drops her voice to this strong whisper and, frankly, it is so annoying and feels like an acting crutch. It's a low, throaty tone and I know when it's coming at least 20 seconds before it happens at this point. If you watch the reruns that air constantly on myriad basic cable networks, you'll realize this was not a character trait in the first half of SVU's run and I need to really deep dive to pinpoint exactly when it began. But, my god, it's everywhere now.
Now, does this ruin the show for me? No. But does it take me out of the scene a little? It sure does. I hate to say anything negative about a franchise that has given me so much—but what am I without my notes? I feel better for having said it out loud. Please don't send Tutuola after me—I swear all my crushes are innocent and can confirm there are no minors involved.
(PS: The above GIF was almost certainly coupled with a heavy, heavy whisper.)
Oh, and...
Happy International Day of the Girl! I love these book recommendations that every girl should read from people like Kamala Harris, Gloria Steinem, and Jodi Kantor ... Harry Styles dropped a writhing, hot new video last night. Here's a one-sentence review from WHN's official Styles correspondent, Tia Williams, who is questioning how she's supposed to work today: "The whole thing is too sexy. The boys, the girls, his dimples, his shoulders, the styling...HELP" ... My boy Zion did some real cool stuff ... But even he can't defy gravity like Simone Biles ... Cousin Gregory continues to "f*cking nail it" ... Also, Pusha T remixed the Succession song and dropped some bars over it ... In the words of Kelly Kapoor, "How dare you?" ... Jameela Jamil is aware she doesn't have to tweet everything she thinks, right? ... I talked to breast cancer survivor Caitlin Kiernan about why she wishes she'd had her mastectomy sooner and her advice for other women after their diagnoses ... You're going to want to follow the Bill Hader Dancing Twitter account in order to lighten up these dark AF days ... "Shiv Roy, Shari Redstone, Ivanka Trump, and the Myth of the Dutiful Daughter" ... Inject this into my veins ... The Eli Manning memes were very good last night ... I am always truly shocked when a network announces they're adding another daytime talk show in the current TV landscape. But nobody's asking me. Next up: Drew Barrymore ... Jared Leto lost his Jared Leto head ... This sentiment is correct ... Matt Lauer is back to tell all of us that he is not finished being super duper sh*tty to women ... I love this story we did for Indy Maven with women who are busting the stereotypes about what it means to be over 60 ... Kacey Musgraves pulling a Kris Jenner while watching Lizzo on stage is the content we need ... I am PROUDLY on #TeamCandyCorn.
Until next week, let's enjoy analyzing Roman Roy, er, Kieran Culkin's accessory and nail vibe. I love it.
xA
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