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Kutting Kucumbers with Kendall
wehavenotes.substack.com

Kutting Kucumbers with Kendall

Are you keeping up?

Abby Gardner
May 13
1
Share this post
Kutting Kucumbers with Kendall
wehavenotes.substack.com

Hello friends!

I’m back from lovely Los Angeles, where I spent a glorious week hanging out with old and dear friends and pretending like I lived there again. I really need to manifest a multi-city lifestyle for myself—it’s just how I’m best.

Summer tour kicked off with Haim at the Hollywood Bowl where thankfully nobody attempted to storm the stage while my fav sisters from the Valley performed down the street from where they grew up. The vibes were fucking immaculate and it was a perfect evening. I can’t wait to do it again here in Indy in a few weeks.

While I was gone, the former couple known as #Haylor once again attempted manslaughter…on my sanity. Taylor released “This Love (Taylor’s Version” from 1989 and also dropped merch from that (Styles-tinted) album, as well as Speak Now. It feels like a re-release drop is a-coming…and it might even be a double. And we still have the new song “Carolina” on the horizon. (Obviously it is not lost on me that Harry also has a song by that same name. These. Two.)

taylorswift
A post shared by Taylor Swift (@taylorswift)

Then the British fruit man announced a One Night Only show in NY on Harry’s House release day that I am still trying to manifest a miracle ticket for. But that wasn’t enough for this fucking maniac. Nope, now he’s doing mini-residencies later this year with 10 nights at MSG, 10 at The Forum (including my birthday and I WILL be there), five at the United Center, and another handful in Austin. How much money will I spend? IT REMAINS TO BE SEEN!

Twitter avatar for @HSHQHSHQ @HSHQ
Love On Tour 2022. North America. Verified Fan Registration is open now through Thursday, May 19th at 10pm EDT. General onsale begins May 26th at 12pm Local.
ticketmaster.com/harrystyles

May 9th 2022

9,037 Retweets69,254 Likes

He also held a baby (his creative director Molly’s little girl Georgie) and looked all around adorable in a behind-the-scenes for “As It Was”. As I’ve said before, he is both baby AND daddy—and it’s a maddening combination for the coven.

Harry’s House is out a week from today, so buckle up kids.

Next week also brings the full Zane Lowe interview on Apple Music on Monday, Howard Stern (where I cannot imagine that Howard won’t go all in on asking this man about sleeping with his boss when she was still engaged to someone else…oof. But also maybe we’ll get another cover as great as “Sledgehammer”?), the Today Show, and One Night Only in Elmont on release day. Oh, and probably another video or two. TBD if it will be the one where he’s flying around the sky like a glittery bird, golden thighs out for all the world to see.

I pray to Stevie Nicks to help me survive this onslaught.

I Don’t Know Where to Put It

The WHN pod is also back this week. My friend Rebecca Soffer, the co-founder of Modern Loss, joined me to talk about a topic I am so passionate about: grief and loss. Don’t worry, it’s not a bummer episode but it’s one that I think is SO important. (Though I ABSOLUTELY understand if it’s one that isn’t something you can listen to right now in your life.)

Rebecca and I get into our own experiences, the ways grief is portrayed in pop culture on shows like Fleabag and Human Resources, and her amazing new book, The Modern Loss Handbook.

We’re giving away three copies of the book, so comment on this post or reply with your favorite show or song or book about grief or loss for a chance to win!

All Along the Watchlist

I’m still playing a bit of catch up on my shows after traveling, though I did already take in season two of The Wilds on Amazon Prime, which I talk a bit about on the pod too. If you liked Yellowjackets, def give it a chance—it’s sort of in the same genre.

Here’s what I’m currently working on for future discussion:

  • Hacks S2 (HBO Max)

    • I’ve only watched the premiere episode and I’m so happy to have this perfect show back in my life. More to come soon!

  • Under the Banner of Heaven (Hulu)

    • I went through a real Krakauer stan phase back in the day and this book has always been one of my favorites. Andrew Garfield is excellent, as always, and I’m so into the show—though the Joseph Smith flashback stuff isn’t really working as well as it does in the book.

  • Conversations with Friends (Hulu)

    • Taylor Swift’s Rooney-fied boyfriend, Joe Alwyn, is coming to Paul Mescal us all on May 15.

  • I Love That For You (Showtime)

    • I’m so excited to dive into his Vanessa Bayer/Molly Shannon/Jennifer Lewis vehicle. Sidebar: I finished Molly’s wonderful memoir and you’ll hear more about that on next week’s podcast with the hilarious and wonderful Alyssa Shelasky!

  • Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (Bravo)

    • You will also hear Alyssa and I get into the premiere episode of the new season next week on the pod. But I will tease that segment and say that I met Kathy Hilton last week in LA. At the Polo Lounge at the Bev Hills Hotel, because of course that’s where. She was lovely and very Kathy—and her friend seemed fascinated by the “I love you” tattoo I have on my arm. It was a delight lol.

    • We did not however get into this moment when Dorit kissed Mauricio’s shoulder and for that I apologize.

Twitter avatar for @RankedRealRealHousewivesRanked! @RankedReal
I don’t know why Dorit kissing Mauricio’s shoulder sent me a little🤭#RHOBH
Image

May 12th 2022

67 Retweets1,885 Likes
  • The Flight Attendant S2 (HBO Max)

    • I’m not loving this season as much as last but it’s still fun and Kaley Cuoco continues to be great in it.

  • The Staircase (HBO Max)

    • You’ve seen the doc, now watch the scripted version. Because that’s how things work now.

  • The Real World Homecoming: New Orleans (Paramount+)

    • If you aren’t watching this show and you’re age-adjacent to me, I must ask WHY? It’s welllllllll worth that free trial or one month fee for the platform, people.

Yes, There Are Musical Multitudes

And I contain them…and listen to them—even if it doesn’t always seem like it. Here’s some new stuff that’s all up in my ears as of late.

The new Kendrick album, Mr. Morale & the Big Steppers, is out today and it’s powerful, as expected. There’s a lot to dig into musically, lyrically, culturally, and beyond. What an artist he is. I stand in awe. Also, deep fake technology is so insane.

Mandy Moore’s album, In Real Life, is out in full today too. I’ve talked about some of the singles already, but the rest of the tracks are just as intimate and folky and dreamy as I hoped they would be.

Sign me all the way up for a little Haim-ification of Carly Rae Jepsen, who I already love so much.

The new five song EP from TOPS—Empty Seats—is in heavy rotation over here. I’m so feeling the breezy vibe and I just love this band.

Meanwhile, Pitchfork was having none of Jack Harlow’s fake Drake. I mean, it’s sure working for him with the youth though.

Twitter avatar for @pitchforkPitchfork @pitchfork
Jack Harlow’s new album is just terrible. Our review:
Jack Harlow: Come Home the Kids Miss YouRead Matthew Strauss’ review of the album.p4k.in

May 10th 2022

2,500 Retweets20,651 Likes
Twitter avatar for @DragonflyJonez✨🦦America Is Musty🦦✨ @DragonflyJonez
Yeah man I know how influences work and all that and Drake is perhaps the most influential artist for these youngins but this is just copy and paste Drake. With none of Drake's flair. Paint by numbers Drake. Bag Cereal Drake. Apple Zaps Drake. Fruity Hoops Drake.

Stop Donating to BLM National and Shaun King! @WrittenByHanna

https://t.co/I1mDZhjtV8 https://t.co/WbCVeYKzIY

May 11th 2022

378 Retweets1,880 Likes

I Hate Cucumbers, But…

I do know how to cut them. Unlike Kenny. (Yes, I can taste if a cucumber has been on a salad and then removed and that will in all likelihood stop me from eating it. That’s how much I hate cucumbers.)

Twitter avatar for @takeyourzoloftsamantha bush @takeyourzoloft
NO WHY IS KENDALL CUTTING THE CUCUMBER LIKE THIS 😭 #TheKardashians
Image

May 12th 2022

53 Retweets1,130 Likes

This is the only explanation that makes sense—because honestly cucumbers are like the easiest thing to chop, right? Like it’s not complicated even if you never do it. But this is the type of internet drama that is really just fun for everyone. Even Kendall had to joke that she was “tragic”.

Twitter avatar for @kirkpateinternet baby @kirkpate
this is the first thing i’ve seen that makes me believe she might actually be a stoner

samantha bush @takeyourzoloft

NO WHY IS KENDALL CUTTING THE CUCUMBER LIKE THIS 😭 #TheKardashians https://t.co/gK9eb1s5zr

May 12th 2022

1 Retweet125 Likes

Elsewhere on the internet, some things to note.

Twitter avatar for @abbygardnerAbby Gardner @abbygardner
NOPE. https://t.co/72z0Jd8Pqc

Lesley Goldberg @Snoodit

Exclusive: #RealityBites is the latest Universal feature to get the TV treatment at Peacock. Details: https://t.co/b7zmd4vg8f https://t.co/LIoFjIrWiD

May 13th 2022

3 Likes
Twitter avatar for @ziweziwe @ziwe
i asked chet hanks about his fitness app and somehow we ended up at his joker impression

May 12th 2022

1,092 Retweets17,718 Likes

So much yes to this. But can we also do Age of Adaline?

Twitter avatar for @krolljvarJustin Kroll @krolljvar
EXCLU: A SIMPLE FAVOR sequel a go with Kendrick, Lively and Feig all back as Lionsgate partners with Amazon on second installment
‘A Simple Favor’ Sequel Set With Anna Kendrick, Blake Lively & Paul Feig Returning For Amazon Studios & LionsgateEXCLUSIVE: After the original’s box office success and critical acclaim, Lionsgate and Amazon Studios are getting the gang back together for a sequel to A Simple Favor. Sources tell Deadline …deadline.com

May 11th 2022

131 Retweets865 Likes

Oh, and…

I was already a longtime member of a cult—Soulcycle—started by Julie Rice and Elizabeth Cutler, and while I loved my time there, I still apologize for making it my entire personality. Needless to say, I won’t be joining their new one: Peoplehood. (Which sounds way to close to “personhood”, right? Yikes.) Anyway, this idea is batshit and maybe just get a meditation app and a good licensed therapist everybody? … As long as they want to keep making Scream movies (the last one was really fun if you didn’t see it!), I will watch them. And I’m very happy to hear that Hayden Panettiere’s Kirby is making a comeback in the next installment … I miss all the dead print magazines of my career so much … I’m very into Chrishell and G-Flip, a relationship that did not surprise me during the Selling Sunset reunion because I am devoted Who?Weekly listener … Vanderpump Rules is coming back and I still don’t understand why they haven’t rebooted with new young dumb-dumbs.

Until next week, H in one of his cute lil custom house sweaters with hearts coming out of the chimney because I couldn’t resist.

xA

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