The One Where Gen X Imprinted on Matthew Perry

Before Miss Chanandler Bong, there was Sandy on Growing Pains. Plus, a few other memorable-to-me roles that must not be lost to time.

Hi friends,

Even just typing that word feels weird after losing one of our Friends this weekend, way too tragically young.

When I got a text with the news that TMZ had just announced Matthew Perry’s death at 54 from an apparent drowning, my immediate response was “WHAT?” I typed it in reply and said it out loud to myself in my apartment.

The next thought for so many of us was, “no, no, no…not Chandler Bing.”

I was just starting my freshman year at Duke when Friends debuted. The impact that show had on Gen X’s view of young adulthood is massive, but certainly not singular. Maybe that’s another post for a different day.

Our smaller-than-most generation was either just on the verge of that phase of life or in its early stages, already out in the world on their own. On top of our obsession with the show, the monoculture still existed in full force—everybody was watching Friends, or at the very least knew all about it. Of course, one of the most amazing things about Friends is that it didn’t stop there.

You know I love cross-generational piece of pop culture more than the average person and you’d be hard-pressed to find a TV show that can be referenced by a Boomer just as easily (and correctly) as Gen Z—and everyone in between. Across the globe. Long before streaming, the show was syndicated to countries all over the world and lived on in reruns that you could find at any given moment when you needed to spend some time with the gang.

That lasting impact is, in large part, thanks to the six incredibly talented leads—especially as the references and the ways certain things were handled (or not) on the show became more and more dated. Of course, there was also some stellar comedy writing.

But Rachel, Monica, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler, and Ross are enmeshed in the fabrics of so many lives. And that means Jennifer Aniston, Courteney Cox, Lisa Kudrow, Matt Leblanc, Matthew Perry, and David Schwimmer are, too.

And Chandler? Well, he might have been the most loved of all with his self-deprecation and insecurities and quick wit and innate charm and sarcastic sense of humor. The funniest one among many funny ones. I don’t know about you, but that’s aspirational for me right there. Being the funny one always seems like a great place to be, but it can also mask deep pain.

Plus, Matthew Perry was a cutie.

I know there will be many wonderful tributes (complete with hilarious scenes) shared over the coming weeks about his performance on Friends and how his talent helped create one of the best television characters of all time. We’ll be quoting and watching Chandler Bing clips for a very, very long time—and I’m ever so grateful that we have them.

To know that he suffered so deeply, while bringing infinite laughs and enormous comfort to millions upon millions of people hits us all hard. He became a friend to people who felt lonely, if only through their television screens. Or through the openness and vulnerability with which he shared his personal struggles.

Matthew was someone I think we all rooted for. We wanted him to be okay.

That makes his death at the mere age of 54 all the more tragic and upsetting. He will be so missed.

To feel grief for someone you didn’t know is absolutely real and not something to have even an ounce of shame about. You can validate your own feelings while also realizing that it’s not the same as what someone’s friends, family, and loved ones are experiencing. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. (Here’s what I wrote about Luke Perry back in 2019 when he died so suddenly. I’m still bereft.)

And my god, I can’t stop thinking about the other five Friends, as if they were my own too. Just as I was finishing this, they released a statement to People. No notes from me on this one.

"We are all so utterly devastated by the loss of Matthew. We were more than just cast mates. We are a family. There is so much to say, but right now we’re going to take a moment to grieve and process this unfathomable loss. In time we will say more, as and when we are able. For now, our thoughts and our love are with Matty’s family, his friends, and everyone who loved him around the world."

But for Gen X, Matthew Perry was important to us before we even knew about that transponster Miss Chanandler Bong.

There are some TV episodes from our youth that we think about with rather alarming regularity to this day. The Punky Brewster with the abandoned refrigerator and Cherie’s near death, which we’ve discussed here at length or when Tom Hanks was alcoholic Uncle Ned who chugs vanilla extract on Family Ties, to name just two.

Then you have the three-episode arc with Sandy, played by Matthew Perry, on Growing Pains in 1989. It’s so formative. I know I’m very much not alone in feeling this way and it’s when many of us welcomed Matthew Perry as a permanent part of our pop culture existence.

So let’s talk about it, shall we? (And then a few other v. important, to me anyway, non-Chandler Matthew moments as well.)

I just rewatched all three Sandy episodes and did mini-recaps below. (You can buy individual eps on Amazon Prime Video.) I can’t wait to hear all of your memories of seeing it for the first time. Or if you did not previously suffer through this TV trauma, welcome to uncovering yet another reason why some of us are the way we are.