31 Random Things I Think About Like Dudes Do the Roman Empire*

*Excluding thoughts related to Taylor Swift or Harry Styles.

Hi hi.

So I’ve been cackling for the past week about all the “How often do you think about the Roman Empire?” videos on TikTok. Like I find this all wild and so incredibly amusing.

In case you are not terminally online, there’s been a trend happening wherein women are asking men in their lives how often they think about the Roman Empire. The answer is A SHOCKING AMOUNT, especially with straight white guys.

This is what manyyyyyy men are out here contemplating with regularity.

My brain is consumed with many, many absurd things, so I truly shouldn’t judge.

I am just flabbergasted about the lingering reign of the Roman Empire in the minds of men in 2023. Obviously I understand its impact on the world and all that. And there are certainly worse things than armor, aqueducts, Caesar, roads, and whatnot for them to contemplate. But it’s so nuts to me that it’s such a mental focal point for so many bros, even if it’s only “quarterly” which was what one of my guy friends told me when I asked him.

I figured I’d throw together a list of my own, off the top of my head—and made a rule that I can’t include Taylor or Harry stuff which is an overwhelming majority of my thoughts at any given moment in the day. As anyone who reads this newsletter regularly, follows me on social, or knows me IRL is well aware.

So these are just some of the things I randomly think about monthly, at the very least—many much more often than that.

Away we go…