A Non-Exhaustive List of 'Cults' I've Joined

Well, not CULT cults (yet). But let's not act like I'm not a member of many obsessive groups, both formalized and not. Latest entry: cold plunging.

Hi hi hi.

How’s your week going? I hope it is sunny and filled with happy obsessions and minimal annoyances thus far.

As a midwesterner, I suppose I’m a lifelong member of the cult of talking about the weather. Ope, nothing I can do about that now. And it IS 70 here today, so I gotta talk about it.

We Have Notes is essentially a written form of that Kim gif and a documentation of all of my cult-like behaviors and tendencies. In my own delulu, I like to think of it as an umbrella cult that can house many others. You know how I love my Coven of Psychos.

This behavior o’ mine has been around since, basically, birth. To quote one of my original cult leaders, Stephanie Lynn Nicks, “Never have I been a blue calm sea.
I have always been a storm.”

One thing I’m going to do is go ALL THE FUCKING WAY IN on something (or someone) I like. I don’t really do moderation or modulation¹.

It’s that—or I’m deeply uninterested.

I love niche. I love mainstream. I also thrive on being contrarian to the point of annoying the shit out of others when I’m NOT into something—or trying to bully them into being uninterested with me. I would apologize if I was sorry, but I’m really not.

Another thing I’m (mostly) going to do is be self-aware. That doesn’t mean I will stop being a pest or a thorn in a side or quiet down or change a singular thing, but I will know what’s happening. When I go too far or get too mean, I really do try to apologize and alter, though. And I mean it with the same passion.

I know pretty immediately whether or not something (again, or someone) is for me. I think it’s a gift—others may disagree (and be correct).

When I’m in, I’m IN IN IN IN IN.

I will be the most loyal to said thing and it will become part of my personality, if not the entirety of it. This also goes for people. I may be a lot, but I will be there. Best times. Worst times. All the times. And I’ll cut a bitch on your behalf. I truly deliver on the promise of the premise when it comes to being a Scorpio (which, yes, is a cult on the below list).

Unless you burn me. I (typically, unless you hit a real nerve) give a lot of chances before the BYEEEEEEE. Then, to quote another of my blonde cult leaders:

I forgot that you existed
It isn't love, it isn't hate
It's just indifference

I have a new cult as of a couple weeks ago: cold plunging.

Guys, it brings together so many things I love: mild torture, a way for me to be wildly competitive with myself, a jolt of energy and mood-boosting vibes that feels a little like doing bumps, the opportunity to proselytize to others, etc, etc, etc.

All it took was my first dip to get me signed up for the monthly unlimited membership at my go-to yoga studio, The Hot Room in downtown Indy. I’m there 4-5 times a week doing the yoga we used to call Bikram in a 105+ degree room or Inferno HIIT Pilates, basically a mat pilates class with burpees and mountain climbers and weights, also in that hot ass room. If you're local, come to a class with and then get freezing in one of their three tanks.

When I say I like extremes…

So, now I do a plunge after every class. I pretend I am an elite athlete, or a rock star after a show.

Let us never forget the ice bath series. This was basically me this morning.

harrystyles

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Obviously, I had to choose the coldest tub for my first run and go over five minutes, when they say just try for one to three. Nahhhhhh, over-achieving is where it’s at.

The next time I did 13 minutes—listening to the 10 minute “All Too Well” plus a lil bit extra. They have lil phone holders so you can film or time yourself, or keep your music at the ready.

In honor of my latest passion , I’ve decided to list as many of my past ones as I can here too. I like to think that my “cults” are for good, or at the very least not evil.

Yes, a lot of them take my money and control my mind—but I LIKE IT and they tend to make me nicer to other people as a whole.

Some I will never leave. Some were only my personality for a period of time.

I regret nothing. I know a bunch of you little freaks have many cult-adjacent behaviors as well. It’s how we form v. strong bonds. I love us.

In no particular order—other than how they flew out of my brain—I present the cults of…