I Love You More Than Words Can Tell
Bill Walton + a fandom life well lived. Summer House. Vanderpump Rules. The Valley. The TikTok dance cult. The Eras Tour hits Lisbon + Madrid. Plus, lots more randomness.
**We’re going to pretend like there weren’t tech issues that prevented this from getting published on Friday as planned…cool? Cool.**
Hi hi hi.
I hope you are all well on this fine Friday. Absolutely unclear on how the f we’ve already arrived at the end of May, but here we are.
I’m already doing that thing in my brain where I’m calculating how summer is already over before it’s truly begun and I seriously need to chill. It is certainly in the upper echelon of my list of “Why am I like this?” traits. Sigh.
I cannot tell you how often I say, “You must chill. You must chill. I have hidden your keys. Chill!” to myself in my head.
I plan on being very chill tonight when I go see Noah Kahan at Deer Creek1 with my friend Matt. Our very first concert of many together after meeting by chance (jk, because…the universe!) at a local record store during a listening party ahead of Kacey’s latest album release. (We are also manifesting a surprise appearance from Ms. Musgraves, if you’d like to send some energy that way.)
Let’s do the Ryman, Part Deux, please you two2.
It’s gorgeous out and should be a blissful eve whatever happens. My only note is that I wish Jensen McCrae was opening here, as she has at other stops on the tour.
I’ve been watching Jensen’s stuff on TikTok for quite a while and I think she is simply incredible and her voice is so unique and cool. This version of “The Black Dog” sent me reeling. (Yes, it’s still my most played song on TTPD—and in fact of the entire year to date, in general.)
Sidebar: Taylor, thoughts for August in London or November in Indy3?!?
This was my horoscope today and all I can say is DONE.
I’m in the middle of quite the run this week and into next.
5/28: Fever game
5/30: Fever game4
5/31: Noah Kahan
6/1: Fever game with one of the nephews!
6/4: ✨✨✨✨STEVIE ✨✨✨✨
6/5: Maggie Rogers
‘Tis the most wonderful time of the year for fangirls everywhere. (I feel like I’ve said this before, but to me “fangirl” is a genderless term, inclusive of all who fan out.)
I will not bore you with a million more clips from my third and final Dead show at The Sphere, but I would like to note that last week’s Friday post was called “The Music Never Stopped”—and that was in fact the second song they played that night.
It was quite a run to kick things off…
Also, I had never even dared wish for a cover of “The Weight”, one of my top 5 songs of all-time forever and ever, even though the Dead has done it many times over these many decades. The Band actually opened for those final Soldier Field shows I went to in July ‘95, which were Jerry’s last.
So, I fully lost my shit when they played it Friday night. What a gift that was.
As I said on social and have probably written multiple times here (Gardners are nothing if not story repeaters!), I hold there are very few things in life that can’t be made just a little bit better by listening to “The Weight”.
Put the load right on me…
I feel like that leads perfectly into this next moment, a tribute to the greatest Deadhead there ever was and the man I consider my absolutely idol and role model in living that fandom life I hold so sacred and dear.
Deadheads Do It Better
Bill Walton died this week from cancer and, man, did we lose a great one—and so much more than one of the most legendary players to ever pick up a basketball. Though he was most certainly that.
He was, of course, also an iconic commentator who was always uniquely himself—and fucking hilarious—while remaining deeply insightful about the game and life.
There are much bigger Walton stans in this world than I. But as a curly, reddish-haired tall with hippie tendencies, foot problems, and a helluva lot to say, raised in Indiana loving basketball like it’s a religion, who then fell in love with the Grateful Dead like IT was a religion and transferred that same feeling to other fandoms over the years…I felt a real kinship to this man I never met.
I’ve thought about him a lot over the past few years as I started living out that fangirl life even more loudly and proudly than I had in the past and felt the sea change that brought to all aspects of my life. It seems like he lived that dream every day.
Previously on WHN (Fangirl Vibes):
122 Things I’ll Miss About Love On Tour
She Showed Me Incredible Things
Bill loved the Grateful Dead (and then Dead & Co) in a way I feel I understand deep in my bones. Both about that particular group of musicians and their art, but also in the more macro sense of how beautifully fandom can expand your life in ways you never could have imagined. And how amazing it is to share that with others, be they strangers who become family for the hours you’re at a show together, to the actual friends and loved ones in your orbit.
To me, he is the absolute embodiment of my mantra, “Always go to the show…it just might change your life.” He did that. Over 1000 times. To hear him speak about the Dead is mystical and magical to me. I don’t think you need to like their music (or even know a single song) to take something from these moments—but if you do, they are all the more powerful.
This is it, right here. This is why I go back to the shows I love again and again and again. When I went to my very first Love On Tour show, I talked on the pod about how the vibes and the energy gave me a feeling akin to something I felt as a teen at Dead shows. So, I went back 19 more times.
His fan heart was so damn pure.
There is truly no limit to the amount of Bill Walton content I can consume right now and bless the algorithm for bringing so much of it to me, either anew or stuff I hadn’t seen in a long time. And a big thank you to my friend Sarah, who vetted what Bill Simmons had to say on his podcast and very correctly let me know it was indeed worth a listen. It was the good BS, not the one who make me want to put my head through a wall.
This one’s for you, SJD!
This story about Walton taking the Celtics to a show is iconic.
The band was woven into the fabric of his life in every way and I just aim to continue to find that joy as long as I live, via these things I love and obsess over.
Now, Bill didn’t need to have parasocial relationships with Jerry, Bob, Mickey, et al. He was actually their dear friend. Their tributes got me all kinds of choked up, especially after just coming off three shows myself. Then thinking about how freaking cool he would have thought The Sphere gigs were.
THISSSSSSSSS PART: “After our shows, he would regularly send messages that said, ‘thank you for my life.’” C’est moi. Bonjour. Except I do not have the numbers of Blondie, the Fruit Witch, Bobby Weir, etc. So, I write it all here lol.
Who among us wouldn’t wish to live a “Hall of Fame existence” worn like headlights?
If I could spread even a mere fragment of the warmth, kindness, and happiness this man put out into the world, that would be enough for me to feel like I did a lil something with my life.
By all accounts, Bill Walton was unabashedly Bill Walton in everything he did. That, my friends, is goals. Especially when the person you are has people saying things like, “defiantly competed for every moment in life to be the best it could be” and sharing the things big and small he did to show both strangers and friends that he cared. Deeply.
This is an fantastic story from Rick Carlisle, a former teammate and the current coach of my Indiana Pacers. It starts with an ‘86 Celtics group text and involves Rick’s first date with his now-wife that includes shooting the shit with Jerry Garcia, Bob Weir, and Mickey Hart backstage at a Dead show. It’s worth a listen.
I’ll drop a few more in here, but like, holy shit we should all strive to leave this kind of mark on the people who meet us. Sure, we can’t introduce them all to rock stars, but we all have special things we can share that will be so appreciated by those we share them with.
Grab a tissue for this one from Mike Breen.
Here’s something from Jay Bilas. Or I guess I should say “Jake”, in Bill’s honor.
Bill Walton was a one-of-a-kind person who left everyone he came in contact with feeling special and among his inner circle. He was a generous, giving soul who always put others before himself…
Walton made everything fun. Whether he was detailing the history of the saguaro cactus or the mystical powers of the desert, or quoting the Grateful Dead as if it were scripture, Walton was about enjoying every minute of his existence, and making your existence around him meaningful and unforgettable.
He was a free spirit, with endearing eccentricity. But deep down, he was about finding joy in others. Man, was Bill Walton fun.
For his greatness on the floor, Walton carved out a special place in the game's history that will never be forgotten. As a friend and colleague, Walton had a spirit that was bigger than life. He was a showman. I will always love Bill Walton -- he was a national treasure, and there will never be another like him.
And from Jerry’s fam:
May the four winds blow you safely home, indeed, sir. You are one of the inspirations moving me brightly and I thank you for that.
Now, in true WHN form—let’s pivot hard with little to no transition.
All Along the Watchlist
TV, let’s talk about it.
Hacks
Okay, so I’ve been waiting on S3 of Hacks because it deserves proper attention and I haven’t been in that space the past couple weeks. I am planning to snuggle up with the entire third season on Saturday night and I cannot wait. Even better? It’s already renewed for S4. More to come on this season, which I’ve heard is fantastic. Duh.
Dancing for the Devil
Y’all. I did not know a single thing about this TikTok dance cult until this Netflix three-parter. I’m currently in the middle and, like, it’s very fucked up and I can’t wait to see where we’re going. But, also, I guess…congrats to cults and scammy-ass men on keeping up with the times and using the newest technology to continue to take advantage of people in vulnerable places with big dreams?!?
Basically this dude, Robert Shinn, forms a church-slash-management company that lures people in and it all spirals from there. I can’t wait to finish it over the weekend.
Vanderpump Rules
The season, and possibly the entire series, ended with part three of the reunion this week. I hated it so much. They saved footage from the final episode to show them all together during said reunion and I thought it was a pretty gross way to try to force Ariana into…breaking down? It was when Lala and Scheana etc basically start going off because she left instead of giving Sandoval some bullshit air time to fake apologize or whatever nonsense he was going to spew.
I love her boundaries and of course the unhealthy people hate them. That’s what happens when you start to set them in your life and others aren’t on that level. I also think that Ariana HAS given a lot all season. She absolutely filmed in places Tom was. She showed up. As herself. And that self was fucking done with that narcissist asshole. She’s right about giving them a better ending too.
Why is it her job to give Lala a storyline, which she absolutely barely had without all things Scandoval aftermath? Sorry, but a water tasting doesn’t cut it. (Yes, I know she decided to have a baby and I did like the sperm donor picking party, but otherwise mehhhhhh.)
Lala is full of shit and Scheana is so fucking gullible as to fall for it because that girl would drop her so fast. Can I get a refund on my Send It to Darrell hoodie?!? Aside from all the hypocrisy over things Lala has not been “authentic” about over the years, I also find it maddening that she uses her “chi-uld” and the one she is “cooking” or “baking” or whatever dumb term she says all the time as somehow justification for everything she says about her livelihood.
Yes, you have chosen to have children and thus I understand your need for an income. But yours is not more important than a single person without children also needing to support themselves.
I looooooove kids. I loooooooove moms. But I haaaaaaaaate holier-than-thou women who think that because they are mothers, they are more saintly and important than anyone else and the life choices they have made.
I am glad to see Katie and Schwartz in this place. He still blows though. Also, why would they cut this?
God, she and Scheana so very badly misjudged where the public was going to be on this matter. She-She, you done fucked up by ditching your true ride-or-die for “Lauren from Utah” as her haters like to call her.
I do think that’s a wrap for VPR and they should just call it. But I bet they won’t. And of course I’ll tune back in anyway.
The Valley
The Valley is going to see us through for a minute, no matter what. I can’t believe how much I enjoyed this season, even though I still sorta don’t know a lot of their names.
I do know that I never ever want to think about Jesse trying to dress up as Harry Styles again. Like, ever. Related: The great Brian Moylan calls Harry the “second sexiest member of One Direction” in his Vulture recap and while I obviously disagree, his #1 has to be Zayn, right?
Also, phew. I can’t wait to see how these divorces play out and whether or not Kristen ever finds a good bra/realizes her boyfriend has some of the undercover creepiest energy we’ve seen on Bravo in a minute.
Summer House
We finally arrived at the season finale and the Carl-Lindsay on-camera breakup that he asked to be filmed.
Early in the season, I didn’t think I was going to align with anything Lindsay was thinking or feeling leading up to the split. But now I’ve come back around in a way I didn’t expect. Now, these are both WILDLY toxic humans and under no circumstances should they have ever even gotten engaged. And I don’t think Linds was blindsided in quite the way I would use the word. I do think when Carl brought those cameras in, she still wasn’t expecting that to be the absolute end of their relationship…but the level of fighting all season did happen.
When you’re in something, you don’t always see it as clearly—as we all know. I also think she doesn’t know any way other than fighting. On the flip side, while I am very glad Carl pulled the rip cord on this relationship, I think he is quietly nefarious and disgusting in ways that some don’t notice because his energy is not manic and filled with screaming, like Lindsay’s. It doesn’t mean he’s not equally nasty and hurtful.
I think they both do their share of gaslighting, but in very different ways.
I’m fully with Lindsay re: the questions she was asking about his alleged career and that all of his wishy-washy stuff is enough to make one as dry as the Sahara. The cringe of him is palpable through the screen. And that was before The Hug.
Guys. Guys. Guys. Even if they hadn’t broken up, I don’t know how she could ever bang that man again after that “harder” moment. I. Wanted. To. Die.
I also think they have both been absolutely monsters to each other and that the list of things Carl thinks Lindsay feels/hates about him are most likely filled with some truth, but are at the same time, an absolute projection of what he feels/hates about himself. He thinks he’s more evolved than her because he doesn’t “activate” in the same way, but he activates and attacks all the same.
I mean, she wasn’t fighting with herself causing noise complaints. They’re both monsters and disasters, but I understand Lindsay’s perspective better after seeing the full season. I can’t wait for the reunion. (Also, Lindsay talked to my old colleague Perrie Samotin at Glamour and it’s for sure worth a read.)
I did love the energy between all the girls this season. It really made a huge difference in the lightness of the house. We needed that balance with the darkness of Lindsay and Carl. (And seriously, that guy is so fucking dark but also so fucking dumb. We need more intelligence with our damage, Carl. Sorry.)
Lindsay’s a nutter and I am certain we would butt heads endlessly if I was in that house. But we rally for even our messiest friends in times of need. That’s just facts.
Also, facts:
A couple more things: West is great. He’s also a very particular type of fuckboi. A lovable one that usually sorts it at some point—when not on reality TV. I hope we haven’t created a monster with all our praise. I do love him, but he is quite flawed. Which totally makes him appealing to many of us.
Danielle’s entire reunion look is a mess, but holy shit that hair. I would be extremely fine to never have her on my show again. The jealousy is lame, as is her personality. Sorry, but Paige is hilarious. Full stop.
The reunion starts next week. (Paige, you look gorge as usual…but you are better than that dress. I get the idea, but it’s not your finest and you usually don’t miss like that. What gives?)
Sidebar: Before we leave the Bravo-verse….OMGOMGOMG. The end of an era.
Owning Manhattan
I do love me a luxury real estate reality show, though I did refuse to watch the second season of Mauricio’s boring Netflix one.
I will absolutely be turning into Owning Manhattan for many reasons, not least of which is that a bestie’s bestie will be one our key agents. Tricia Lee is one of Tia’s nearest and dearest, so I’ve been watching her career and life play out for years now. Let me just tell you, she is fucking incredible. Like, I wish she could run my life like how Rachel asked Monica to make her decisions for her in that one Friends episode.
Tricia is so cool and funny and smart and inspiring and doesn’t take shit and when she decides she wants to do something, LOOK OUT WORLD. She’s the one in the trailer who says, “You don’t have to like me, you will respect me.”
Need I say more?!?
Speaking of luxury real estate, Chrishell is joining Neighbours and this is perfect casting, no matter what the character is all about. No notes.
Neighbours was very special to me when I was studying abroad in Australia in college. I still sing the theme song in my head at least once a week. Maybe I need to start streaming it?!?
Finally, I know that the people at The Summer I Turned Pretty are trying to keep us all interested since we don’t get a season this summer due to the strike. (Not that any of us were really going anywhere, we’re just sad.) But why did they have to make the ugliest merch?!? I’m a merch whore who would have loved to give you my money. Alas, this is hiddy. How do you not know that?
My latest merch whore purchases:
Ick Me Once
What IS giving you the ick this week, Abby?
Diddy, ofc. In case you didn’t see, Rolling Stone published their longform piece after six months of reporting.
And on a much lighter note, this one is back. What business will Bradley Cooper NOT insert himself into at this point?!? Listen, I actually loved his A Star Is Born—but this ain’t it. Please go home and leave us alone, dude. Gigi, girl get outta there.
Gen X Moment of Zen
Palate cleanser after that last clip!
Eras Tour Diary: Lisbon + Madrid
Let’s get through a lil bit of news before our latest round of surprise songs.
First, I’m just gonna leave this here with no further comment.
Marnie + Desi + TTPD? I love it.
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Blondie also announced more openers for her first run of Wembley shows in June—in addition to Paramore, who is on the road with her through all of Europe.
I don’t know Mette’s music…yet. I’ll be going in this week. I’ve been getting into Benson Boone for a second, but need to dive deeper. And I loooooooooooooove Griff. I’ve been on her for a while now and feel like I may have mentioned her here a while back. She’s super great if you haven’t checked her out.
Surprise song o’clock is upon us!
Lisbon N1
🎸: “Come Back Be Here” x “The Way I Loved You” x “The Other Side of the Door”
I love all three of these songs v. v. much. Plus, Nobody has heard TWILY live for a long time, so that was a treat. It’s a real banger and it also makes me miss The Summer I Turned Pretty all over again.
🎹: “Fresh Out the Slammer” x “High Infidelity”
I just now realized I called it “High Fidelity” on my IG Stories last weekend, which now makes me want to rewatch both the movie and the underrated Zoe Kravitz series adaptation that absolutely should have gotten another season.
If I’m being completely transparent, these are not songs I listen to very often. This isn’t a “ME!” situation or one where they make me too emotional to handle regularly. They’re just…not my faves.
Lisbon N2
I knew a couple people at this show (thanks for the real time texts, Bryn!) and while I was v. jealous, I was also once again happy to have “representation” in the crowd.
🎸: “The Tortured Poets Department” x “Now That We Don’t Talk”
Now, this is the opposite of the piano mashup from N1 because TTPD is currently my #2 most played song of all of 2024 (behind “The Black Dog”) and NTWDT is the highest ranking non-Tortured Poets Taylor song on that same list.
So, yeah, this took me out on the livestream. And I did, in fact, reply to Bryn something along the lines of, “if she plays The Black Dog after this I will disintegrate.” You know, normal stuff. Let us thank her for this first video, which is exclusive footage lol. But also congratulate her on getting engaged—not at the Taylor Swift show.
And more of my usual curation situation:
🎹: “You’re On Your Own, Kid” x “Long Live”
MA’AM. How dare you?
And then it was on to Madrid for a couple of midweek shows, a rarity here on the Eras tour.
We had a bunch of Taylor’s besties in the crowd with the Haims and the Lively-Reynolds family in attendance. That’s Hayley from Paramore next to Blake, but she’s the opener, so her appearance is no surprise.
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I loved seeing Pau Gasol there, too. I’m sure the Bryant girls have him well-versed in all things Swift.
Madrid N1
🎸: “Sparks Fly” x “I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can)”
🎹: “I Look in People’s Windows” x “Snow on the Beach”
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Madrid N2
🎸: “Our Song” x “Jump Then Fall”
🎹: “King of My Heart”
Oh, and…
I’m extremely ready for a new Knives Out movie, which is seemingly going to start shooting in the not-so-distant future. Hot Priest is joining too! … Wooden man to play plastic (he-)man … Is there anything Ayo can’t do? I can’t wait for the Inside Out sequel. I cried SO hard in the theater at the first one … These Actor on Actor pairings are mostly a mess … So is this THR cover (giving so much whiteness) and the fact that we’re still acting like Jen Aniston is good on The Morning Show. Love her, but NOPE. Will I still watch every ep? Obviously.
Until next week, just remember: In a world of boys, he’s a gentleman. And a (fellow) lover of a parenthetical.
xA
No other names for this amphitheater are recognized here at WHNHQ.
Okay, so that didn’t happen. But it a was a perfect night and a perfect show, regardless.
We’ll get to the opener announcements Blondie made this week down in the Eras Tour Diary.
YES to this!!
Very excited (and yes, jealous) that you have Stevie coming up. I’ve seen her twice this year and when I saw her last weekend, I most absolutely thought of you! I almost sent you videos but didn’t want to be “weird.” (Yes I’m still working on not caring at 52.) Anyway, she was pure magic, obv! Also, you completely bring warmth, kindness, and happiness with your writing. So there :)
Enjoy tonight!
(If there's any way you can smuggle out an extra Stevie Barbie, I have cash.)